So much to say and share!! I am super excited to get back on
this horse because there have been bumps in the road.
if you will. This post is a declaration enabling to me to come
out from my creative shadow and two years of confusion
when one bares ones soul on the internet, as you do :)
went wrong. I am sure many of you out there can relate.
Weezi a few weeks ago. Weezi had been a trusted companion
and cherished friend to me in more ways then I can say.
Weezi helped me make my mark on the world and I have to admit
it is with many mixed feelings and a heavy heart that I
say good bye to my old friend.
possibly put into words. The creative expression & colourful
journey I have taken with Weezi has been the stuff of dreams.
I am extremely grateful for everything both good & bad that
I have experienced bc of Weezi. All the connections, the visits,
the friendships, the fashion shows and smiling faces will
continue to be my resource for inspiration
Change is never easy but it can be a bit less intimidating when
right time to change the name, how I run my biz and my
life for that matter.
many thanx for the adventure *sniff* xoxo
shape me into the crafty gal that I am today. I miss them both
very much and thought naming my biz after them both
would be a wonderful way to honour their talents, their
love and their contributions to the
ila and alice were very different women but they understood the
immense personal value of creating and making things. They both
loved to express themselves though crafty en-devours and they
were both very talented in their crafts of choice.
and being able to share their stories throughout my adventures
into online selling eases the sorrow of missing them.
having shut down my Weezi shoppe two years ago.
shoppe. I have been all over the place and changing my mind about
many things as one does after a major life change.
Something was missing.
but also felt lost and confused. I didn't recognize myself and I felt
like I was in a thick fog and didn't know which way to turn.
Well, the truth is that I have tried those things and it didn't work.
downwards. After having lost my routine, my customers and my
sense of purpose I was having some serious blockage with my
creative abilities and it felt like the designers version of writers block.
After I closed the shoppe in March of 2014 I thought I could easily
pick up where I left off and just simply start creating and making
like nothing was different. This was not to be the case.
of goodies. Each attempt was stymied with a lack of enthusiasm
and feeling of actual indifference. I just needed a break I thought.
I luv sewing! I could sew 200 hours a day and luv every minute.
I sew in my sleep! I am a mega sewer! I sew everything
and anything! This could NOT be true because if I wasn't sewing and
wasn't luving sewing then who was I???? What did I have to offer
the world without sewing? The concept was terrifying and
beyond perplexing. I had never, ever felt this way.
Everything came to an abrupt halt.
And, so it began....my journey into looking for my lost creative mojo.
It was all things creative. OMG!
This was terrifying with a capital T.
I was lost.
I finally accepted and recognized that what I was doing
before wasn't authentic to me and my own creative expression.
in my own creative demise. All my mistakes and sins started
creep up on me like a sordid date in a cheap suit and I couldn't
stop him from showing up and knocking at my front door. I had to
admit some shit I did not want to. I had to be realistic because
if I didn't, the bad suit at my door would NEVER stop knocking.
I had to take control back and pony up some truths because I hated
the cheap cologne that wafted off that cheap suit and how it
hung under my nose with indifference.
Here are those truths:
I created to sell quickly, I created to make everyone else happy
and I created what I thought would make people "get me".
I tried SO hard to please everyone and I tried so hard to
Don't misunderstand, I still luv vintage, vintage looks,
few years. The problem was that I created from a place that was
looking for acceptance and validation from people who would
never give it to me. I created from a place that was a
true charactuer of desperation. I thought the harder I
get me and like my offerings. I contorted myself creatively
and mercilessly trying made things that didn't come from a
place of true authenticity. I didn't create from my heart I created
from a messy, confused, scared place that was ruled by fear.
up from something bigger then me and I had no choice put to sit
up and pay attention. My ego was shoved into a shoe box while
my inner self screamed and sounded the alarm.....
living in denial, shame and hurt. Mostly shame. So much shame.
Huge cargo containers chuck full and seeping out shame. Shame of perceived failures.
Shame of wanting and needing to be validated.
and that maybe I really had no talent. Maybe, just maybe I
was an impostor and a fraud!! Point and laugh they will at the
lady with the giant scarlet F pinned on her chest! It was a lot to
process and I was unsure I even wanted to process it.
Maybe I could sweep it under the carpet???
the decision to do so, I was relieved by how much support
and love was out there. Yes! I found myself in a place where
I was told it would be OK. OK???! Surely not! I am self-describe
fraudster and charlatan in my community. There is no mercy for such behaviour, surely. It couldn't be Ok. It didn't make sense.
about rejection and validation were allowed to come out
without the humiliation I feared.
a regular basis. The two are a toxic and deadly combination
that will grow roots in your soul so gently and warmly you don't
even know what is happening.
up your ego for months & years with cheap gin and canned ham.
ego feel warm and fuzzy. Your ego, if left to its own devices, will
thrive from the "liquid courage" of falsehood and doubt provided
by ill-gotten nutrients.
What I didn't know then but I do know now is that forgiveness
and support are easily accessible. Strange concept to me this,
but very much real. The trick was that I also had to forgive myself. Imagine that.
Forgiving myself for being a fallible human was not
only doable but essential.
Essential. No options here...only forgiveness.
the healing process. Being to able to look at myself and say
"It's OK! Let's move forward" was a new concept to me.
"I fucked up!!!" So liberating not to fear saying it out loud
and not allowing the anxiety to reside tightly in your mind
and in your chest.
Am I still nervous and unsure?
I'm a little battle weary, still nervous but oh so happy to feel free
of shame, fear and my self imposed emotional confinement.
From this point on I have made a promise to myself to continue
to the do the work while learning to not fear my inner voice
and my intuition in regards to what will make my creative-self shine.
The best part is that I will have both my grannies with me to help
get me back into the swing of things.
Hallelujah and pass the glitter and the glue gun!! :)